Don't you send me to vm
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
