are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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