Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
