remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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