She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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