no, he came in my armpit
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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