Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
