***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
