So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
