you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
did i just pee glitter
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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