just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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