I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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