I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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