I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize