My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dear god my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
