when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
