you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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