my sisters under your porch take her home
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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