Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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