I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
