69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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