I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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