the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
