I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
