I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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