dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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