Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
