I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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