i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
