Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
