So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
