She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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