He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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