He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
