Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
