he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
