oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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