I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
