I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
