just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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