how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize