I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think a kid would responsible me up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
