Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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