I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
