Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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