I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
