When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
