We got so high we made milksteak
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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