Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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