"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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