i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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