Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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