it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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