i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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