ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
