Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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