i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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