Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
