it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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