We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
