we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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