i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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