I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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