you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
