chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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