I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
